So you’ve decided to raise allegedly domesticated hookfoots for fun and profit! Congratulations. You’re joining a literally unknown number of happy and rugged individualists who have entered into this new and exciting cottage industry. Trust me when I say, once you read this book, you’ll be “hooked” on hookfoots, too!
As you almost certainly know, hookfoots are extremely intelligent, vacuum-adapted predators that usually dwell on asteroids and airless planetoids.
Moving from space-rock to space-rock with the delightfully hooked feet that give them their name, in the wild these charismatic killers instinctively home in on ambient life energy via poorly understood sensory organs, and then feed directly on the energy of their victims. Of course, when properly trained they provide companionship, protection, and many potential and hypothetical military applications.
If you’re ready to start your own hookfoot ranch, there’s literally NOTHING stopping you
except the hookfoots themselves, and on page 79 you will find a formula for a really effective hookfoot sedative that also makes a great space-paint remover. Once properly sedated, drag them back to your ranch via a licensed hookfoot-mover and you’ll be caring for and feeding your newly domesticated hookfoot in no time! Just make sure you’ve gotten rid of any pets or family members who could prove troublesome. Did I say “gotten rid of”? I meant “taken care of”! Also, not murdered!
Simply have them leave the premises, as the hookfoot can only imprint on one individual at a time, and you do NOT want to see what a hookfoot can do to your family. The pets you should probably sell, even a well trained hookfoot will snap up a space-pup in one bite and drain that adorable little sucker’s very life essence in minutes, and then the family, who should be in hiding, remember, will blame you for it.
Anyway, I can’t stress this enough – once you commit to the hookfoot lifestyle,
you’ll never want to make a living any other way. I know I don’t! That’s why I’ve written all these books about domesticating hookfoots.
Look, I get it. Your friends bought you this book as a gag gift. Who would domesticate these things? They’re monsters! They will SUCK OUT your life force with their space-fangs!
I wrote this thing on a dare. It was supposed to be a thinly disguised commentary on certain social upheavals on Vog Jadda 7, for a sociology class I’m taking at the University of Cassus
extension campus. Somehow this got sent to the university publishing house instead. So go ahead and read the rest of it if you want, and thanks for purchasing it assuming you did so through an authorized vendor, but please, please DO NOT try to domesticate hookfoots. I can’t take any more of these deaths on my conscience.
I wish I could take this book off the market, but I’m reliant on the revenue stream. Again, don’t domesticate hookfoots. It’s a gag.
Thanks for reading,