READ BEFORE CONSUMPTION
“Old Pappy Crowe” Barrel-Aged Slush
Illegally distilled, aged, stored, and sold in Algoroc, Nexus
A WARNING FROM THE DISTILLER
Hello, drunkard. Your ol’ Pappy here. Now, assumin’ you’re still sober enough to read this, please take a moment to skim this label before you consume this deliciously intoxicatin’ and potentially toxic beverage. I’m happy to get you blasted outta your ever-lovin’ gourd, but let’s make
sure you’re still breathin’ the next day so’s you can buy yourself another bottle of “Old Pappy.”
Now first, and this is important, I absolutely recommend you do not drink this. I mean it. If you drink this, two things are gonna happen: you will become addicted to slush. That’s great for me, but after decades in this business, I gotta tell ya, I sleep better at night tellin’ ya that up front. Don’t mean most of ya won’t drink it anyway. Ain’t like folk don’t
know slush is even more addictive than starbacco. So go ahead. Welcome to the family!
Second, and I know I’m taking up a lot of label space here, you’ll go more or less completely insane. Now that’s good when it comes to my boys. I can use a little crazy out there keepin’ folk from diggin’ into my business. But if you go and open a barrel of Ol’ Pappy and expect anything but pain, heartache, insanity, and random murders, you’re
expectin’ too much.
Now that’s outta the way, here’s to ya! Raise a glass to your Ol’ Pappy, and drink responsible-like. You’ll be glad ya did, or you’ll be dead. Either way, Old Pappy gets paid!