Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a top-of-the-line Protostar Gravitic Destabilizer!
Utilizing state-of-the-art Protostar components to harness the power of loftite, the Protostar Gravitic Destabilizer will take you to new heights!
Though designed specifically with the discerning produce harvester in mind, the Protostar Gravitic Destabilizer is perfect for any one of a million functions!
Use your Destabilizer to:
Catch animals in flight!
Cheat* at team sports!
And much, much more!
Should you experience any difficulties whatsoever with your Protostar Gravitic Destabilizer, do not hesitate to contact Protostar Customer Service. Please have your Protostar Gravitic Destabilizer serial number on hand!
To use your Protostar Gravitic Destabilizer:
Turn the power switch to the “On” position.
Paint yourself with Gravitic Destabilization rays.
Leap and harvest!
It’s that simple!
Remember! Wear appropriate protective gear! Protostar is not responsible for injury, dismemberment, death, or other physical impairment caused by improper use of the Protostar Gravitic Destabilizer.
(*Protostar does not condone unsportsmanlike conduct of any kind!)