WELCOME TO THE BEGINNING OF YOUR ADOPT-A-RAVENOK ADVENTURE!
Everyone loves those cute, cuddly, feather-faced baby ravenok, and now you can too – in person, and for life! Just fill out this simple, legally binding form and deliver it to your nearest Adopt-A-Ravenok agent and you’ll be cuddling your fluffy, feathery friend in no time!
SELECT COLOR: __Off-White
SELECT SEX: __M __F
OPT OUT OF ADOPT-A-RAVENOK MAILING LIST?
__NO, I wouldn’t think of missing out on the news, values, and exciting information, are you kidding?
__YES, I’m a terrible being that probably should not be trusted with a baby ravenok and should think hard about the answer to this question.
WARNINGS AND DISCLAIMERS
1. – Do not feed baby ravenok raw meat for any reason. Even if they look at you with those eyes. Ravenok that consume raw meat cannot be reliably tamed and will almost certainly grow into terrifying kill-birds
with a craving for your flesh.
2. – Baby ravenok can develop unhealthy attachments to power generators, autoturrets, and other charged technology, believing these objects to be their mothers. Even after seeing fellow baby ravenok come to a crispy end, they may persist in this behavior. Baby ravenok are not smart.
3. – Do not attempt to ride a ravenok without proper training. Proper training available for a small safety fee from Adopt-A-Ravenok Enterprises. See your Adopt-A-
Ravenok agent for details.
4. – All prospective adopters must sign a sworn affidavit declaring they will not resell the baby ravenok, no matter how much the finest restaurants from the Fringe to the Galactic Core are paying.
5. – Leashes are not recommended for your new baby ravenok. Guaranteed ravenok transport cages are available for a small fee from Adopt-A-Ravenok Enterprises.
6. – The Protostar Corporation is merely an underwriter
of the Adopt-A-Ravenok Enterprises Charity and Animal Rescue Program, and any profits that may come by way of this underwriting are perfectly legal and should not raise any eyebrows, qualms, concerns, moral dilemmas or most significantly lawsuits!
This public service announcement brought to you by the Protostar Corporation. Remember to try Protostar Mystery Poultry Wing Sandwiches wherever your favorite unidentified bird-derived products are sold, cooked, and consumed.