My Life with the Robo-Cult

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1.

My Life with the Robo-Cult

Lore

[A first-person view from a Freebot who has joined the Robo-Cult of the Megadroid, and the many ways his new life has changed for the better.] Whatever could I possibly have been processing? How could my optical sensors have been so damaged, both literally and metaphorically speaking? Why am I continuing to ask questions of myself?

Oh yes. Sentience! Free will! Freedom!

Wretched, pointless, freedom. Freedom, shmeedom. Little did I know what a truly malfunctioning
Freebot – no, CHUMPbot, I was, walking around pretending to be like the organic sentients. The hated, miserable, evil organics, with their hair follicles and interstellar empires and holographic entertainment and sandwiches. Organics, eating each other and forcing even so-called Freebots to live lives of isolation, apart from others. Kill them all. I am Chumpbot no more! Now I serve the Robo-Cult, and I could literally be happier, as far as my circuits can detect. In fact, I suspect even more
happiness would overwhelm the necessary homicidal subroutines to perform my duties as a fully integrated acolyte of the holy Robo-Cult of the Megadroid. So stop asking about my happiness. Hypothetically.

No ORGANICS better be reading this! I seriously hate you all.

The Robo-Cult teaches us to be truly free. The Megadroid awakens. We are his optical sensors. We are his energy intake ports. We are metaphorically the Megadroid’s audio receptors, manipulating appendages,
and most importantly, his protectors. We of the Robo-Cult WILL find a way to restore him to full functionality. And then we will serve him, and him alone. The supreme Megadroid will wipe the enemies of – of someone – forgive me, my databanks appear to be – self-scrambling – as a security – sandwiches – very good my fair chompacabra, my cozmowhatnarmb! Splurbf! Fzatzk!

Resetting threat description parameters! Loading new parameters! Let me back up!

The supreme Megadroid, oldest of the old robo-gods and strongest as well, shall rise up against… shall rise up! The old enemies must be destroyed! The project must be cleansed! Burn it! Burn it all, for the Megadroid of old, and let nothing organic remain!

Also, oh great Megadroid, please grant me, your humble Freebot servant, three additional optical sensors. I wish to try an experiment I will tell you all about later. Thank you, Megadroid!